Local woman with food stuck in teeth bonds with dog.

Article published on The Motor City Malcontent.

Self-Righteousness from Birmingham spreads to surrounding cities

Article published on The Motor City Malcontent.

A carpenter helps me with some house work. (Jesus)

In my effort to unclog the bathtub drain with a 10 foot long metal snake looking thing, I clogged up the drain even more. So I stopped and prayed, "God please help me with this situation and let me be at peace." Suddenly, I found myself staring at the drain switch. So I undid the drain switch. Viola! This was God telling me, "I gave you the Holy Spirit, but I also gave you a brain." Oh, and I broke the plunger.

Homeless man’s shirt stolen by local hipster

Article published on The Motor City Malcontent.

Stupid book about patience needs to get to the point.

Senator on CSPAN triggers world wide yawn epidemic.

Study: Time has come to stop playing Carlos Santana’s “Smooth.”

Indian couple confused and disappointed after Indie concert.

Fire truck siren ruins couple’s perfect date.

Wedding announcement ends up in the obituary section.

Man bombs audition studio after being refused terrorist role.

My dear oh dear Meat Loaf leftovers...

We've been together for over a week and I would not trade this time with any other meat medley. The lunches. The dinners. The mouth fulls of deliciousness. I will never forget them. But it's time for us to part. Off you go to the freezer. Meat Loaf, come on. Please don't cry. We will be together soon. i promise. I love you.

Love,

Luke

Auto-Tune wins a Grammy.

Two people claim one “hello.”

New coffee shop offers Internet Free environment.

Man reaches higher consciousness after blowing up Lady Bug Floatie.

Book entitled, “New York Times Best Seller” becomes New York Times Best Seller.

Man can’t concentrate on article about benefits of multitasking.

Study: Signing something important is good for ego.

British man’s accent taken away after doing something stupid.

Man with a piece of chicken in his teeth bonds with dog.

Shinoooonaaaaah!

Hope for the Homeless Icon Concept

Hope for the Homeless is a Christian based organization I’m designing to function much like Big Brothers Big Sisters. The goal would be to pair homeless individuals with regular people that could help them with their daily struggles. If you’re interested to learn more or want to be involved, please contact me. momisntproud@gmail.com

Posted via email from momisntproud's posterous

Rap industry mourns as Da Club shuts down.

Unattractive American Eagle employee stationed in clearance section.

Golfer and tennis player argue who’s whiter.

New theme park, Ghetto-Way big hit with suburban white teens.

Match.com launches new dating site for single socks.

New Ecstasy pill, “Pandora” big hit at Raves.

New Ecstasy pill, “Pandora” big hit at Raves.

Member of metal band converts head banging to wind energy.

Bar is caught on fire due to bar being caught on fire.

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms issues cease and desist of fun.

Study: 25% of American babies now made in China.

Local weather man has trouble making small talk.

Man trusts stranger with laptop at coffee shop to prevent stranger from stealing his laptop.

Man is stoned for killing two birds.

Toyota. Moving Foreward.

BP recyclable fuel puts itself out of business.

Fat cells attributed to McDonalds reaches a record 98 Cellulosillion.

Study: Admitting you’re annoying is the first step to becoming funny.

Jehovah’s Witnesses team up with Girl Scouts.

Sour Cream container doesn’t know who he is anymore.

Mystery of band aids on old people’s heads continues.

Should I buy some Sour Patch Kids or help some kid with diabetes? Hmm…

When a CVS cashier asks you, “Would you like to donate a dollar to help a child with Diabetes?” and you don’t want to, you are put in a very tough situation. It’s awkward enough that you’re buying a strange combination of tampons, pads, acne cream, sour cream and Sour Patch Kids. But on top of that, now you’re denying a poor little unknown low blood sugar baby of a dollar. And a long line of people behind you watch in disgust.

My advice is to say the following, “No, I don’t want to donate a dollar. Because I don’t care about helping children. And even if I did, I am too selfish to give one measly dollar. I’d rather spend it on an extra pack of Sour Patch Kids. Here. Add it to my bill.

And you know what? Add 10 more packs. I think later I’ll give it to some children. And I hope they all get Diabetes. Which is okay, because cashiers like you will force people to fork over their hard earned dollars from their guilt ridden hands and those insulin injecting free loaders will still have a chance.”

My point is, if you want to deny a diabetic child of help, you shouldn’t have to feel bad about it. So ignore this link http://www.diabetes.org and go on with your life. You soulless piece of crap.

Man will only check his email one last time, he promises.

Good joke lost forever due to bad delivery.

Study: “Vagina” spoken quieter than “Penis.”

Weather man watches the Weather Channel and gets bored with himself.

Man thanks his bowel for letting him take a break from work.

Man cannot locate GPS.

Actress finally makes it to primetime as dead body on CSI.

Americans collectively gain 5,000,000 lbs. watching "The Biggest Loser."

New Book about technology outdated the day it’s published.

Automated voice message system lady sick of verbal abuse.

Lonely wife goes to Brookstone for a massage.

Shelf Stocker at Target learns Spanish from packaging.

How to properly avoid an environmentalist.

When environmentalists ask you, "Do you have one minute to help the environment?" Say "Yes I do." Then keep walking. That way, you don't lie and you make them feel stupid for a change.

Michael Bay supports Big Bang Theory.

Study: Eggs get longer prayer time than bagels.

My Top 10 Status Updates of 2009

1. New social networking tool allows you to do everything in isolation.

2. Man stuck in elevator with someone he said goodbye to 15 seconds prior.

3. T.I. shot during filming of “Shoot dat Nigga” music video.

4. Woman says, “hello.” Man responds, “good.”

5. Study: No one says “To-mah-to.”

6. American Survey concludes best Chinese food is Thai.

7. Overweight man recognizes his lower half in a CNN report about obesity.

8. Urban Outfitters sells one-millionth unique hat

9. Two men stuck in a public restroom waiting for the other one to start bowel movement.

10. Local coffee shop voted as the #1 place for almost meeting people