Thursday, October 7, 2010

A carpenter helps me with some house work. (Jesus)

In my effort to unclog the bathtub drain with a 10 foot long metal snake looking thing, I clogged up the drain even more. So I stopped and prayed, "God please help me with this situation and let me be at peace." Suddenly, I found myself staring at the drain switch. So I undid the drain switch. Viola! This was God telling me, "I gave you the Holy Spirit, but I also gave you a brain." Oh, and I broke the plunger.

Friday, July 30, 2010

My dear oh dear Meat Loaf leftovers...

We've been together for over a week and I would not trade this time with any other meat medley. The lunches. The dinners. The mouth fulls of deliciousness. I will never forget them. But it's time for us to part. Off you go to the freezer. Meat Loaf, come on. Please don't cry. We will be together soon. i promise. I love you.



Monday, April 26, 2010

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Hope for the Homeless Icon Concept

Hope for the Homeless is a Christian based organization I’m designing to function much like Big Brothers Big Sisters. The goal would be to pair homeless individuals with regular people that could help them with their daily struggles. If you’re interested to learn more or want to be involved, please contact me.

Posted via email from momisntproud's posterous

Monday, February 1, 2010

Should I buy some Sour Patch Kids or help some kid with diabetes? Hmm…

When a CVS cashier asks you, “Would you like to donate a dollar to help a child with Diabetes?” and you don’t want to, you are put in a very tough situation. It’s awkward enough that you’re buying a strange combination of tampons, pads, acne cream, sour cream and Sour Patch Kids. But on top of that, now you’re denying a poor little unknown low blood sugar baby of a dollar. And a long line of people behind you watch in disgust.

My advice is to say the following, “No, I don’t want to donate a dollar. Because I don’t care about helping children. And even if I did, I am too selfish to give one measly dollar. I’d rather spend it on an extra pack of Sour Patch Kids. Here. Add it to my bill.

And you know what? Add 10 more packs. I think later I’ll give it to some children. And I hope they all get Diabetes. Which is okay, because cashiers like you will force people to fork over their hard earned dollars from their guilt ridden hands and those insulin injecting free loaders will still have a chance.”

My point is, if you want to deny a diabetic child of help, you shouldn’t have to feel bad about it. So ignore this link and go on with your life. You soulless piece of crap.

Man will only check his email one last time, he promises.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

How to properly avoid an environmentalist.

When environmentalists ask you, "Do you have one minute to help the environment?" Say "Yes I do." Then keep walking. That way, you don't lie and you make them feel stupid for a change.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

My Top 10 Status Updates of 2009

1. New social networking tool allows you to do everything in isolation.

2. Man stuck in elevator with someone he said goodbye to 15 seconds prior.

3. T.I. shot during filming of “Shoot dat Nigga” music video.

4. Woman says, “hello.” Man responds, “good.”

5. Study: No one says “To-mah-to.”

6. American Survey concludes best Chinese food is Thai.

7. Overweight man recognizes his lower half in a CNN report about obesity.

8. Urban Outfitters sells one-millionth unique hat

9. Two men stuck in a public restroom waiting for the other one to start bowel movement.

10. Local coffee shop voted as the #1 place for almost meeting people