Member of metal band converts head banging to wind energy.

Bar is caught on fire due to bar being caught on fire.

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms issues cease and desist of fun.

Study: 25% of American babies now made in China.

Local weather man has trouble making small talk.

Man trusts stranger with laptop at coffee shop to prevent stranger from stealing his laptop.

Man is stoned for killing two birds.

Toyota. Moving Foreward.

BP recyclable fuel puts itself out of business.

Fat cells attributed to McDonalds reaches a record 98 Cellulosillion.

Study: Admitting you’re annoying is the first step to becoming funny.

Jehovah’s Witnesses team up with Girl Scouts.

Sour Cream container doesn’t know who he is anymore.

Mystery of band aids on old people’s heads continues.

Should I buy some Sour Patch Kids or help some kid with diabetes? Hmm…

When a CVS cashier asks you, “Would you like to donate a dollar to help a child with Diabetes?” and you don’t want to, you are put in a very tough situation. It’s awkward enough that you’re buying a strange combination of tampons, pads, acne cream, sour cream and Sour Patch Kids. But on top of that, now you’re denying a poor little unknown low blood sugar baby of a dollar. And a long line of people behind you watch in disgust.

My advice is to say the following, “No, I don’t want to donate a dollar. Because I don’t care about helping children. And even if I did, I am too selfish to give one measly dollar. I’d rather spend it on an extra pack of Sour Patch Kids. Here. Add it to my bill.

And you know what? Add 10 more packs. I think later I’ll give it to some children. And I hope they all get Diabetes. Which is okay, because cashiers like you will force people to fork over their hard earned dollars from their guilt ridden hands and those insulin injecting free loaders will still have a chance.”

My point is, if you want to deny a diabetic child of help, you shouldn’t have to feel bad about it. So ignore this link http://www.diabetes.org and go on with your life. You soulless piece of crap.

Man will only check his email one last time, he promises.